Retreating is not selfish or self-indulgent, it’s an act of self-care

To me, going on retreat is about literally and figuratively stepping out of life for a bit of a break, one that is meaningful and I return with refreshed purpose and that sense of, “Yeah, what I’m doing is aligned with my values.”

To retreat is the art of moving back, stepping back and reflecting while in a setting that is different from our natural habitat.

Over time, our values and the things that are important to us change, so it’s important to pause, check in with ourselves and see where we’re at (gain insight). Stepping back from our auto-pilot life gives us that chance to experience something different, to relax and gain a renewed perspective.

For some people, it’s hard to relax in familiar surroundings, surroundings that might have memories attached that just aren’t peaceful or inspiring. By removing myself from my natural habitat, I find I look at my environment with a curiosity that extends to looking at how I’m moving through life.

Now, I know life is busy. My life is busy, your life is busy. We’re all “busy and important” (to quote Bridget Jones). And at the same time, we all need some down time so we can purposefully recharge and then with a mindful presence return to the “mending and tending” of life, as Jack Kornfield says.

Trying to carve out a week or 10 days for a retreat can be stressful, if it’s even possible. Sure, the thought of a week or two away in some far-off paradise where all I have to do is show up and everything is taken care of so that I can stretch my body and mind sounds amaze-balls.

However, living life on Pandemic Planet, we’re not travelling too far. And then there are the list of questions that run through our minds:

• Is this the best use of my limited holiday time?
• If I go, who will look after the pets / kids / garden /clients/ (fill in the blank)?
• Can I realistically afford to invest one or two thousand dollars on doing this right now?

As wonderful and life-changing as 7 – 10-day retreats can be (and they really can be), sometimes planning for one falls into the ‘Too Hard Basket’ and then it doesn’t happen. Which is a shame because going on retreat can be restorative and reenergising.

So, how about approaching a retreat another way?

I wholeheartedly believe that our self-care is mission critical. Regularly tending to the emotional, physical and mental aspects of our lives keeps us in a well-resourced state.

Realistically, where in the cracks and crevices of your life can you pause, even for a few hours? Maybe it’s on a weekend and if not the whole weekend, maybe it’s a few hours on a Saturday or a Sunday. And instead of doing a 10-day retreat once a year (or every five years), maybe it’s a mini retreat one Saturday or Sunday each month for ten months – spread out the experience.

If this is something that would be manageable for you, then the next line of inquiry becomes, “What type of retreat?”.

And here’s where it gets really interesting. There are a lot of different types of retreats to go on, depending on what you want. There are return-to-the-womb retreats and crying retreats. Don’t want to cry, how about a laughing one? There’s the good old silent retreat and then there’s a snake massage retreat that’s supposed to soothe and calm patients – I’m not sure how and I’m not curious enough to try it myself. Please report back if you decide to give the latter a go.

From my experience, I tell people to look for a retreat that has meaning. Basically, we want to mind our mojo with meaning. Time is not a renewable resource so we want to use our time meaningfully.

Over the last year, I’ve spent time speaking with a number of professional women who are keen on experiencing a retreat but for various reasons a multi-day experience is just out of the question (even a weekend retreat is a stretch too far).

That’s why I’ve shifted (again) my offering around retreats. Week-long and weekend retreats are still on the table, but over the next little while, it seems that people are comfortable carving out two or three hours on a weekend. And that’s a great place to start – or to stay, if that’s what’s right for someone.

My thought is that if we retreat regularly, monthly, seasonally or annually and regardless of the duration the benefits will be there. With the busy lives we lead, we all need the quiet time and down time – this way, we schedule it, just like everything else in life so that it happens.